I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
