I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
