Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize