you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
