Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
