Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
