Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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