Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
