On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We have started to decorate penises.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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