i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
