i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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