I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
