And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
