i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
