The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
