My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
