just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
