She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
