she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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