Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
