Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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