Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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