Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
