We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
then he tried to convert me to islam
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
