it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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