ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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