so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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