Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
