I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
