I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
