You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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