Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
