He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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