Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
