well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
