i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize