How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He did a backflip because drugs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
