I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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