my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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