I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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