we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
