I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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