Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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