is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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