dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
