Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You're like the curious george of whores
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
