I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
