it wasn't lemon gatorade
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
