I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
