I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
