Soap is not a condiment
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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