If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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