btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
