So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
