No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize