So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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