i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
