i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
