i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
