I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
