A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Life is so much better after having sex.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
