I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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