I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
