Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
