don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
