Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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