There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
