I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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