Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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