Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
