i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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