I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
