He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize