nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize