i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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