how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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