I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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