found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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